“If you’re younger than 13, don’t use Tumblr. Ask your parents for a Playstation 4, or try books.”
Well done, Tumblr. This warms the librarian part of my heart.
“Being able to log into your account is one of Tumblr’s many great features.”
I’ve always thought logging in to my account was one of the most unfairly underrated features of any service.
“… may be indexed by search engines (like Google Search, or the far superior Yahoo Search)…”
This appeared not far from the quote “Yahoo owns us.”
“Don’t make us narc on you. We don’t want to.”
I certainly wouldn’t want to put Tumblr in that awkward position. Would you?
“We encourage you to dismantle negative speech through argument rather than censorship.”
Such a beautiful sentiment. Seriously.
“Don’t showcase the mutilation or torture of human beings, animals, or their remains. Dick.”
Tumblr recognizes that psychopaths are dicks.
“…please don’t use Tumblr’s Upload Video feature to upload sexually explicit video. We’re not in the business of hosting adult-oriented videos (and it’s fucking expensive).”
This appeared, ironically, right after the explanation that you should label your dirty blogs with an NSFW tag because people shouldn’t be exposed to adult content if they don’t want to be. The Community Guidelines were not labeled NSFW, by the way.
“While you’re free to ridicule, parody, or marvel at the alien beauty of Benedict Cumberbatch, you can’t pretend to actually be Benedict Cumberbatch.”
I’m certainly not faulting them for choice of example. But on a whim I decided to check the text of their previous version of Community Guidelines. It doesn’t mention Cumberbatch by name; this was a new addition. That makes me wonder if the next revision will feature an updated reference to a new celebrity flavor-of-the-month. I mean, not that Benedict’s star will ever fade, of course. He’s an immortal heart-throb whose popularity will never diminish. You know, like Tab Hunter, Leif Garrett, Christopher Atkins, and that kid from Home Improvement. In any event, having seen the fun the Tumblr folks have with these documents, I’ll be sure to read the updates closely from now on.