She did not have sexual relations with that man

Laurie David

Laurie David, an environmental activist and member of the Board of Trustees of the Natural Resources Defense Council, wants everyone to know she didn’t have an affair with Al Gore.  She didn’t break up Al and Tipper’s 40 year marriage.

She felt compelled to announce this to Huffington Post yesterday.  And why?  Because there was an article in Star Magazine that said she and Al were gettin’ it on.  The exclusive report from Star quotes an unnamed “insider” who claims “Al and Laurie went from friends to lovers.”

Well, that’s good enough for me.  Who am I to doubt the veracity of an anonymous source talking to Star Magazine?  I mean, come on.  Isn’t that the magazine that broke the whole Watergate thing back in the 70s?

Laurie David, on the other hand, calls the story “a complete fabrication” and says she sees both Al and Tipper “as family.”  What a pervert, huh?  An incestuous home-wrecker.  Right about now Larry David’s probably thanking his lucky stars she divorced him a few years ago.

While we’re on the subject of denying extra-marital affairs, though, I want to state emphatically for the record that I didn’t have an affair with Al Gore either.  Or Tipper.  Neither of them.  I don’t look on them as family either, cuz that’d be creepy.

Just wanted everyone to be clear on that.  I mean they were pretty cute back in the old days, but still.

For the sake of full disclosure, however, I do need to finally come clean about my role in breaking up Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyman back in the ’40s.  But that was a different time.  And, to be candid, it was Bonzo the Chimp who got me involved in that whole mess in the first place…but that–as they say–is a whole ‘nother story.

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